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By Maria Morava
Relationships Reporter
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Which causes more damage, a yearslong relationship or a monthslong situationship? One woman is giving a reaction you might not expect, and her vow of "never again" in an intense answer to the question has gone viral.
A video posted to TikTok by Keshia (@kalaquinn) has revealed the different impacts two relationships have had on her—a 7-year long relationship and a 10-month long "situationship." Since the video was posted, it has received over 630,000 views and nearly 30,000 likes.
The video, set to a popular audio track, runs through a series of questions aimed at comparing two different ex-relationships.
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"Superlatives: ex-boyfriend edition," the audio began. "Who made you cry the most during your relationship?" it asked, to which Keshia pointed to her 10-month "situationship."
A situationship, according to Cambridge Dictionary, is a "romantic relationship between two people who do not yet consider themselves a couple but who have more than a friendship."
Despite the seemingly noncommittal nature of a situationship, Keshia's video is proving that any relationship, no matter the length or level of commitment, can be either nourishing or damaging. A breakup after seven years had to hurt, but Keshia said the less-than-a-year situationship breakup left more of a mark.
"Who broke your heart the worst?" the audio asked. The situationship, Keshia replied.
"Who lied the most?" The situationship.
"Who do you never want to speak to again?" The situationship.
"Who is the reason you have trust, and/or commitment issues?" The situationship.
Viewers in the comments empathized with Keshia's experience, revealing their own relationship timelines and the correlating heartbreaks.
"Ten-year relationship, six-month situationship that destroyed me. Never again," one person wrote.
"This was my first situationship and I made it two months before I went absolutely unhinged insane," another commented. "I didn't even recognize myself."
Situationships and heartbreak
While it may not be intuitive, there is a psychological reason the situationship is so difficult to move on from.
Clinical therapist Naomi Bernstein, PsyD, spoke to Cosmopolitan about the phenomenon in 2022. She said ill- or undefined romantic situations create psychological conditions akin to addiction because of their variation and ambiguity.
"There is passionate sex, romance, and fun on some days and distancing, avoidance, flakiness, and mixed messages on others," she said. "This leaves the partner who is desiring of commitment craving the dopamine high she feels on the good days. In psychology research, this is called 'intermittent reinforcement,' and it is the most powerful and addictive type of reward of all."
The ups and downs of situationships make for a whirlwind of emotions—and TikTok shows that Keshia is certainly not alone in her reeling.
Newsweek reached out to @kalaquinn for comment via TikTok.
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