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By Alyce Collins
Senior Reporter
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A woman has shared the three biggest lessons she's learned about life after having to start over again at the age of 35.
Screenwriter Julia Yorks thought she'd be married with children by her mid-thirties, but things haven't quite worked out that way. She got divorced earlier this year, moved into a rental apartment, and started a new business—none of which was on her 2024 bingo card.
Yorks, from New York, told Newsweek that every part of her life is "different than it was a year ago," and she's learned so much about herself in the process.
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"There has been so much radical change in my life that it really does feel like I'm totally starting over," Yorks said. "I thought I was going to be a mom this year, but now I'm a single woman in New York."
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While starting over hasn't been without its challenges, Yorks has shared her advice for anyone else in a similar situation.
The first lesson that Yorks has learned is to throw out any timelines or expectations about life, because it simply cannot be mapped out. She used to think her life would follow a plan, which hasn't worked out. But that doesn't mean she's any less happy or successful.
Now, she urges people not to think about their life as a box-ticking exercise and just let it unfold naturally.
She continued: "I thought I'd be married with kids and have a stable career and a home by now. Instead, I'm getting divorced, living in a rented studio apartment, freezing my eggs, and facing more instability than I ever thought I would at this stage. But what I've learned through this is that we can plan our lives all we want, but that doesn't mean we have control over our timelines."
Secondly, she says that if you're facing resistance on a particular path or life choice, maybe it wasn't meant for you after all. You shouldn't have to force something to work, as Yorks believes that what's meant to happen "will find you without so much resistance."
In the past, Yorks used to try and make things work even if they didn't seem right. Now, she is happy to let the chips fall and see how they land. Her new mantra when things seem to be moving slowly is, "this is a divine delay," and it's hugely improved her mindset.
"I've realized that if something is meant for you, it should be easy, or at least not put up so much of a fight," Yorks said. "That doesn't mean things don't require work, but in the past nine months since I've started over, doors that were tough to open stayed closed, and doors that were already ajar have burst wide open."
Her third and final piece of advice for starting afresh is to just surrender and accept what unfolds. She's realized that life can't be controlled, so she's stopped worrying about what may or may not happen. She used to spend a lot of time panicking about things that hadn't happened, but she isn't wasting her energy anymore.
Yorks told Newsweek: "To me, surrendering means I'm accepting the way things are, and allowing life to happen in whatever way it will. Not only knowing that something equal or better is on the way, but that whatever life throws at me, I can survive it."
Learning these lessons and applying them to her life has been so transformative for Yorks, as she feels like "a totally different version" of herself now.
The Social Media Reaction
Yorks shared her advice in a TikTok video (@juliayorks) on October 6 and it's resonated with many social media users. At the time of writing, it has gained more than 39,100 views and 1,500 likes.
She's been amazed by the positivity and gratitude that her video has generated, and hopes it can help others feel supported.
"Often, big life changes make you feel like you're on an island, so it's been gratifying help others know that they're not alone," Yorks said. "It's never too late to start over. The time that you have left is all the time that you need."
Many people thanked Yorks in the comments on the viral video for sharing her tips and giving them hope.
One comment reads: "this has been one of my favorite videos from you, thank you for your earnestness!"
Another person wrote: "Every day is a new opportunity to learn!"
A different TikTok user commented: "39 and no idea where I'm going—and it's beautiful."
Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.
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