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By Melissa Fleur Afshar
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A woman has been backed online for asking her sister to use only her married surname following her husband's death.
In a now-viral Reddit post, the woman recalled that while her husband passed away over two decades ago, she still considers herself married to him and refuses to revert back to using her maiden name. The woman detailed online that her sister stands firmly against this decision, constantly encouraging her to take off her wedding ring and change her surname.
"My sister has criticized my decision to stay loyal many times," the woman wrote.
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"She's tried taking off my wedding ring, getting me to cheat, and mocking me. I don't appreciate it. I've had friends who have tried to set me up but I tell them that I don't want another partner and they respect that. My sister does not," she added.
The woman continued that her now sister has started calling her by her maiden name, Ms. Jones, instead of by her married surname. After reaching boiling point the woman confronted her sibling about this "hurtful" behavior.
"Yesterday, I got sick of it. She came over and we were getting ready to go somewhere, she made coffee and she jokingly said 'your coffee Ms. Jones' and I got really mad. I said 'don't call me that' and she said 'huh?' I said 'that's not my name. I am Mrs. Smith' and she said it wasn't my name anymore, but it is my name. I never changed it back. I never ever will," the woman recounted.
She explained in her post that she feels her sister is just messing with her, but that it really hurts her feelings. On the subject of her surname, the woman affirmed that she's adamant that she never wants to change it.
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What Do The Comments Say?
Since it was shared to Reddit's r/AmITheA****** in February by u/QueasyBanana143, the post, which can be seen here has been commented more than 1,400 times, the vast majority of which have slammed the woman's sister for her persistent demands to change her name. Some Redditors have raised concerns about how the woman has been processing her grief, and have suggested that she speak with a counselor to try and move past the loss of her husband.
"I feel deeply for you...live your life how you choose," one user wrote.
"The fact that she seems to think seeing other people would be disloyal and a kind of moral failing when her husband passed away 2 decades ago is concerning," another user commented. "While the sister is the a****** for not taking no for an answer, I kind of understand where she's coming from. She went about it wrong but she's probably trying to nudge the OP into a life where she's not just a widow anymore but her own person. That goes way beyond dating or not," they added.
How Can The Woman Grieve Her Husband?
Jonathan Belolo, vice president of clinical services at GIA Miami, spoke with Newsweek about how the Redditor and other grieving people can ease their deep feelings of loss.
Belolo argues that while grief is a highly individual process, it's important for anyone who may be hurting to give themselves permission to feel the full range of emotions that come with grief, including sadness, anger and guilt. Intrusive thoughts may also be experienced.
He suggested that the person prioritize taking care of themselves both physically and emotionally, to support their healing process.
"Grief can be physically and emotionally exhausting, so taking care of your physical health is crucial. Make sure to take care of your body by getting enough sleep, eating balanced meals, and engaging in regular exercise," Belolo told Newsweek.
"Don't be afraid to reach out for support from a therapist. Talking about your feelings and memories of your loved one can be cathartic and healing. Joining a support group or seeking professional counseling can help you navigate through your grief journey," he added.
The mental health professional went on to say that it's crucial for people experiencing grief to engage in self-care activities that bring them a sense of comfort and solace, effectively making a safe cocoon for yourself.
"This could include spending time in nature, engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or finding ways to honor and remember your loved one in your own way," Belolo explained.
"Also, creating new rituals or traditions in honor of your loved one can be a meaningful way to remember them and keep their memory alive. This could be anything from planting a tree, creating a memory box, or doing something that was meaningful to them," he added.
Grief can be overwhelming, so it's important to identify and manage the other sources of stress in your daily life. This may include setting boundaries with difficult family members, saying no when needed, and prioritizing self-care. Reducing unnecessary stress can help you better cope with your grief.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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