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By Maria Morava
Relationships Reporter
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In adulthood, time grows precious—are some times more precious than others?
A video posted to TikTok by Hayes (@hellohayes) has gone viral for addressing the concern that, if a friend agrees to hang out only on weeknights, they might not value the friendship as much. Hayes says that the difference between "weekend" and "weekday" friends can be more about individual preferences than a measure of the friendship's worth. Los Angeles holistic therapist Jenny Flora Wells told Newsweek about the diversity of friendships and lifestyles at play in this dynamic.
Hayes says in the clip: "Let's say you make a new friend, and you ask them to hang out on the weekend, but they only say yes to weeknight days. Does that mean that they don't like you or don't value you enough as a person?
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"I want to throw out another perspective, which is that, if someone doesn't want to hang out with you on the weekend, it might just mean that they view their weekends differently than you."
Speaking from personal experience and preference, Hayes said that, while in her 20s, she preferred to do social activities on weeknights when she was already out of the house and in "extrovert mode". On the weekends, she prioritized time to reset, be alone and have space for spontaneity.
"A huge chunk of your 20s is just figuring out how to spend your time," Hayes said. And this learning process can be an important compatibility factor in friendships.
"If the way you feel close to people is by spending a lot of weekend time together, you and I might not be compatible friends at this point in life," she added.
In the comments, Hayes said that her approach to the weekend versus weekday friendship issue might have quite a lot to do with introversion and extroversion as well: "I consider myself a 'high functioning introvert'...so in my former work-in-office days, I needed a lot of alone time on weekends," Hayes wrote.
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Therapist Points to Larger Conversation
Holistic therapist and social worker Jenny Flora Wells told Newsweek that there is merit to Hayes' claims—especially in the sense that everyone has their own priorities and preferences within friendships.
"A person might find that they enjoy a friend's company; however, they feel drained after spending more than an hour with them," Wells said as an example.
"Maybe, one friend enjoys going out on the weekends, while another really values time at home watching her favorite Netflix show. Maybe, one individual is dealing with intense trauma behind the scenes and is too burnt out to spend more than a lunch date with her friends."
Wells said that dynamics and trends like this on social media reveal something deeper than the weekday/weekend, or introvert/extrovert, dichotomy: They point to the "intense grief and emotion" of navigating life transitions.
"Especially for young people in their 20s and 30s who frequent TikTok... we transition into adulthood, and our lifestyles and lived experiences shift from our friends as the years go by," Wells said. "This transitionary period triggers emotions within us that we 'aren't good enough for my friend,' or, 'Why am I the weekday friend instead of the weekend friend?'"
Wells praised TikTok for its potential to connect young people who feel this way, saying that the conversation Hayes started with her ideas is important.
"It is trends like these that begin conversations about topics that many of us keep hidden within us, thinking that nobody else has experienced this before," Wells added.
Newsweek reached out to @hellohayes for comment via TikTok.
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