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By Maria Morava
Relationships Reporter
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A Reddit post from a woman who called off her wedding after making a discovery about her fiancé has sparked widespread support and debate.
The 28-year-old woman, u/Cutiepiegoddess, shared in the post that her fiancé and partner of three years met up with his ex for "closure" without her knowledge. Since the post was published, it has received 13,000 upvotes.
In the post, the original poster (OP) wrote that her fiancé Tom's ex, Sara, has been a recurring presence in their relationship since the start. According to her post, Tom recently received a message from Sara expressing a need for "closure." Instead of discussing it with his fiancée, though, he decided to meet Sara alone. The OP discovered this only after finding a message on Tom's phone that read, "Thanks for last night."
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The OP wrote that Tom said nothing physical happened and that he had only talked with Sara and stayed over until the early morning to help her find peace.
"I didn't believe him," the OP wrote. "The more we talked, the more I realized he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I tried to explain how hurtful it was that he hid this, especially when he didn't need to, but he made me feel like I was the problem for being 'jealous of a friendship.'
"But here's the kicker...Tom then had the audacity to tell me that this 'needed to happen' so he could truly move on. He even suggested Sara should come to the wedding 'as a friend' to 'show everyone there's no bad blood.' I was stunned."
Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with the OP, saying that her decision to call off the wedding was justified.
"He doesn't sound over her at all. I'd be out so fast if I had a partner that wanted to bring her ex to the wedding," u/Good-Gas-3293 wrote.
"If he's not over her and you get married, you're in for a world of hurt in the future. Saying she 'deserved closure' when he should have moved on, focusing on you and your relationship, is throwing up so many alarm bells," u/Accurate_Prompt_8800 said.
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An Expert Opinion
Newsweek spoke to Leigh Norén, a therapist specializing in sex and relationships, about the situation. While revisiting a past relationship for closure isn't always an issue, secrecy is, she said.
"The issue at heart for this person isn't so much that he saw his ex, but that he hid it," Norén said. "And when confronted, instead of understanding that this felt like a betrayal of trust, he retaliated and tried to hurt her the way he felt like he'd just been hurt by her reaction. This is a really common dynamic in relationships, and it probably stems from them not yet having reached an agreement on how to relate to exes in general."
Norén said that discussing sensitive issues, such as relationships with exes, is crucial before marriage. She added that the woman's decision to postpone the wedding could be beneficial if the couple decides to work through their issues with therapy or more open communication.
"Calling off the wedding is always the right decision if you feel in your heart that you don't want to get married anymore," she said. "Especially if you feel your trust has been broken."
Norén also noted that while Tom's actions may not have been intended to harm his fiancée, the lack of transparency and the suggestion to include Sara in their wedding points to a deeper disconnect.
"Feeling like you want to see your ex before you get married isn't necessarily uncommon," she said. "But talking about wanting to do this before actually going and doing it would have shown [the OP] that he can be trusted and will choose her before Sara every day."
Newsweek reached out to u/Cutiepiegoddess for comment via Reddit.
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