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By Rachael O'Connor
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A family dilemma has gone viral online as commenters tore apart almost everyone involved, and one expert urged the father of the family to "consider what's at stake here."
On Reddit's r/AITAH sub, user u/Difficult-Stable1072 asked if he was in the wrong for "being hurtful towards my children after I found out that had been contacting my 'affair child?"
In the post, which has racked up 9,700 upvotes since being shared on August 5, he revealed he had had a daughter, Daisy, as a result of an affair, which he admitted he "truly [has] no excuse" for.
Read More on Family & Parenting
A Statista survey published in 2021 showed that around 21 percent of respondents admitted to having cheated on a partner, up from 20 percent in 2020. The survey went back to 1960, when just 5 percent of respondents admitted to cheating on a previous or current partner, and peaked in 2012, when 22 percent admitted to infidelity.
In the Reddit user's case, while his "saint" of a wife gave him a second chance, she wanted nothing to do with his daughter.
But, aged 15, Daisy had to come and live with him, his wife, and his other children due to "unfortunate circumstances" he did not go into.
He claimed he did all the "labor" involved in raising his daughter so his wife didn't have to and never pushed his other children into being close with Daisy as they "did not want a relationship with her."
New York-based couple's therapist Stephanie Manes (LCSW) told Newsweek that it sounds like the father "bears a huge amount of guilt in this family."
"Guilt for how he did or didn't father his daughter, Daisy, including protecting her from his other children's hostility. And guilt for having an affair that resulted in a child, no doubt throwing a major wrench into life with his wife and other children," she said.
Now an adult, Daisy has married into an extremely rich family. Her father describes her new husband as "a man who thinks it's normal to use helicopters like cars."
One day, he received a message from his daughter asking: "Can you tell your legitimate kids to stop talking to me. Please and thank you."
She sent him screenshots of messages from her half-siblings, "apologizing for not knowing her better and claiming they loved her," which she sent along with cash emojis.
The man said that he confronted his kids, telling them to leave Daisy alone and saying they had embarrassed him and should be embarrassed of themselves.
"I said they wouldn't have sent those messages if she married the local mechanic and to leave her alone," he wrote.
"My kids were very hurt and my wife exploded and said how dare I call our kids embarrassments when they were being kind to their sister," the Redditor said.
Manes suggested it was not useful to figure out who was "wrong," and instead, he may consider what he can do to repair these relationships, such as acknowledging to Daisy why the messages from her half-siblings were so hurtful.
"He could also communicate to Daisy that there are many things he wished he had done differently and would welcome the chance to make amends for damage to her—if and when she wanted that," she said.
As for his other children, Manes said he has "every right" to tell them he was disturbed at how they reached out to Daisy after "years of hostility" and for her to conclude they were financially motivated.
However, he "can apologize for the way he delivered the message," she said.
"If there are injuries from the past that he hasn't taken responsibility for, he can do so, or even better, find a good family therapist who can help them through these conversations."
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Reddit commenters, however, did not hold back in telling the father exactly what they thought.
One referred to Daisy's use of "legitimate kids" in her text and wrote: "So, can anyone guess what his kids were calling Daisy to her face when she lived there? Yeah. I thought so."
"Sounds like everyone except Daisy sucks here," another commenter said, while one accused the siblings of "trying to cash in on the (on paper) relationship that they never fostered."
"And the saintly wife suddenly thinks it's a good idea to kindle a sibling reunion," a Redditor pointed out.
One took aim at the father, saying they can "only imagine the torment Daisy went through living under your roof," while another said that Daisy "was done wrong by everyone her whole life," as one described it as "Cinderella vibes."
As one commenter put it, "I'm team Daisy, your 'legitimate ' kids and wife probably put her through hell while she was living with you. Good for her for declining any association with them now."
Newsweek reached out to u/Difficult-Stable1072 via Reddit for comment. We could not independently verify the details of this case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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