By Lucy Notarantonio
Senior Reporter
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If you are ever in a life-or-death situation, experts say the best thing to do is stay calm and focus on making it out alive—but that may be easier said than done, especially for one woman who is being dragged online for being "dramatic."
In a post to Reddit's 'Am I the A******?' (AITA) forum on Sunday, user u/architectureHater explained how he had a row recently with his fiancée after they encountered a "scary situation." He begins by stating he has a "very good sense of situational awareness" whereas his fiancée, 29, "has the survival instinct of [a] panda raised in captivity."
He noted that he doesn't panic in dangerous situations, whereas her reaction is to "panic and scream," precisely what she did on April 14.
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Explaining his story, the 28-year-old man said he went on a boat trip with a group of friends. They expected light rain, but experienced the total opposite as there were high winds and high waves.
"While [I] and the other men there were trying to strap things down and keep the boat from capsizing. My fiancée screamed and cried for dear life. She was in hysterics. And I get it was a scary situation but her yelling and screaming that "we're all gonna die" and for god to save us and literally crying saying that it's my fault that she's on the boat since I asked her to come.
"None of the other gfs [girlfriends] or wives were doing this, just her. I'm sure the other women there were just as scared but tried to keep it in for the sake of the men doing something about it."
The downpour lasted for 15 minutes and so did the woman's wailing, which he described as "embarrassing, distracting, unhelpful and telling." So, he decided to discuss her reaction during the car ride home, but that didn't go to plan.
"I told her that, today proved to me that if I was in a life or death situation, I could not rely on her to be any help or do anything except make things more stressful. I said she needed to learn how to not panic and be helpful.
"She got unbelievably mad. She said she thought she was going to die and had reason to freak out. I told her that all of us were scared but none of us were as ridiculous as she was," he wrote.
Newsweek reached out to a survival and relationship expert to gather some tips on how to deal with stressful situations.
How to React Calmly in a Survival Situation
Newsweek discussed the viral post, which has 16,900 upvotes, with Rusty Collins, a United States Air Force veteran. He is also the founder of TruePrepper, a resource for preppers grounded in risk analysis, and he has shared three top tips on how to react calmly.
- Mindfulness. At the moment, there is not much that you can do for yourself other than be mindful of your thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness is a powerful concept with a broad toolkit including meditation and breathing exercises. Deep breaths and focusing on your thoughts rather than letting them race can help ground the situation.
- Training. Putting yourself in stressful 'mock' survival situations ahead of time can help you predict how you will react. Many people respond to emergencies differently, so understanding any potential issues you may have can help you address them before they become a problem.
- Responsibility. Having something to do or accomplish during an emergency can give you mental clarity. Knowing your role ahead of time and having a default task to occupy your focus can make the unknown or scary situation manageable. This "task assignment" can also work well with kids in these situations.
How to Prevent an Argument
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told Newsweek the best way to avoid an argument is to cool down before discussing the problem with your partner.
"When you feel worked up, it is best to give yourself some time to calm down, so you can speak from a more grounded and insightful place. During high-stress situations, your mind and body can go into flight, fight or freeze modes. All of us go into one of these states of being when we experience panic, fear, anxiety, or stress. It takes understanding yourself and learning from past experiences to change how you react when you feel afraid and dysregulated," she said.
Speaking about the Reddit post, she stated it wasn't wrong for the fiance to discuss what happened, but his delivery was "off." DeWitt states it's "beneficial" for partners to be as "calm as possible when you are about to have difficult conversations with a partner."
She added: "It is also a good idea to address how the situation makes you feel while also expressing empathy for your partner who is also going through something very challenging. It is a balancing act."
The Comments
It seems other users are behind the man as the top comment has racked up 30,900 upvotes.
It said: "NTA - She can feel and react however she pleases, but that doesn't change the facts. So you're correct. She was unhelpful and only made an already scary situation even more stressful. It's indeed a very useful skill to have, to be able to think somewhat straight in a crisis situation. Or at the very least have the sense to not make it worse for those who are trying to help."
"I refuse to accept this is a genuine "fear" response. I feel this is more of a dramatic attention-seeker response," commented another person.
"Idk man, it's kinda a d*** move to get your partner into a terrifying situation and then get mad when she's terrified. Then to berate her and question her life skills and parenting ability based on that, not a good look. You need to apologize. YTA," said another.
Newsweek reached out to u/architectureHater for comment. We couldn't verify the details of the case
Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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