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By Lucy Notarantonio
Senior Reporter
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After a 13-hour shift, the last thing most people would want to do is to cook for themselves, especially when it's during the early hours of the morning.
This scenario has turned out to be the reality for one husband, who has turned to the internet for support following an argument with his wife.
In a viral Reddit post titled: "AITA for wanting my wife to make my dinner," user Bitter-Lake-4481 explained he has been with his wife, 26, for four years.
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The 25-year-old man states he works 75 to 80 hours a week and provides 80 percent of their income. His spouse works three to four days each week for no more than seven hours a day.
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He stated: "She [can] provide things like fun groceries (snacks/sweets) and when we go out she can pay for things like the tip or drinks and I appreciate that and tell her thank you when she can swing it. She also does most of the chores in the small [apartment]. Other than that I'm the person paying for our life."
He explains he doesn't have the energy to cook, saying: "I come home hungry for an actual meal.
"The other night I came home around 1:30 AM and found my wife passed out on the couch with an empty personal pizza from Little Ceasars. I got excited thinking that I had a cold one in the fridge waiting for me.....wrong. annoyed but not upset, I microwave some chef boyardee, scarf it down, and call it a night. The next day I have the same kind of night, around 1:30 I get home. There she is passed out, now with a bowl of macaroni and weenies (one of my favorites) and again. Nothing in the fridge for me."
He points out this isn't the first time it has happened and he has previously asked his wife to cook for them but she "barely acknowledges."
Tricky Conversation
He concluded the post by stating they had a conversation about the cooking again, but it didn't go well.
"[She said]that she is NOT my maid and I'm being lazy trying to make her cook for me. I told her I'm just hungry after a long day and it upset me seeing she cooked for herself and didn't think about me at all. I said she was being inconsiderate and that set her off.
"Saying if I want a slave then she's not it. I told her I don't want a slave, I want a wife who seems to care about me. She looked at me with a shocked face and stormed out," he wrote.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a relationship therapist, spoke to Newsweek about the post, which has 9,600 upvotes.
She said: "It really must not feel good to ask her, regardless of what time of day or night, about how come she didn't get food for him only to have her turn it around and state that she is not a maid.
"Also, accusing him of being lazy for wanting her to cook or order you food after he worked a 13-hour day is unkind and inaccurate. Last I checked marriage consists of interdependence and negotiation. The interdependent relationship provides security since it is a dynamic that allows both people to be independent while also maintaining a healthy balance between what each partner needs and wants.
"Negotiation is an important component in marriage because it allows partners to navigate their needs even when not aligned with what each other wants."
DeWitt states it wouldn't be "unreasonable or unacceptable" for the man to ask his wife to cook dinner several nights a week.
She advises the couple to sit down and negotiate an arrangement whereby she agrees to arrange dinner when he works long shifts.
"He deserves a partner who equally wants to take care of him even when it doesn't feel convenient at times for her. Love is partly about navigating and negotiating each other's wants, needs, desires, and independence even when it may not be exactly what the other person had in mind," DeWitt said.
The post has received a lot of traction with over 4,500 comments. The top one has 26,000 upvotes.
It said: "NTA Wow this comment section is shocking to me. I really empathize with you, I'm sure you're exhausted by the time you are done. It's wildly unreasonable to think you are an a**hole if your standards are just a frozen pizza too. This is sad."
"It's odd to me she didn't have leftovers. Few people eat an entire pizza or whole box of Mac n cheese. Where did the rest go? Point is, she didn't save it for him. She made sure he had nothing ready to eat after working 80 hours a week to provide for her," said another.
Speaking from experience, one user said: "As a woman myself, I can say that she's overreacting and what he's asking isn't much. I always call my partner to see if they want anything if I'm ordering food or if I'm making food. even if they aren't home, it's nice to offer it at the very least. I'm not saying make a 5-course meal, but make extra of whatever you're making."
Newsweek reached out to u/Bitter-Lake-4481 for comment. We couldn't verify the details of the case.
Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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