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By Darlin Tillery
Life & Trends Reporter
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When a mother of two asked online if she'd be wrong for requesting her mother-in-law (MIL) care for her dogs during childbirth—but not her children—the response was swift.
The 34-year-old Reddit user JHsquared this week, laid out her concerns about her 72-year-old MIL's assumptions and habits, stressing that the decision wasn't about malice, but minimizing chaos during a stressful life event.
“I love my MIL and am just trying to… not leave her with hurt feelings while at the same time not coming home to a chaotic environment after freshly giving birth,” the original poster (OP) shared.
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But her reasoning—that her MIL spoils the children, lives far away, has an unfenced pool and resists structure—wasn't enough to shield her from criticism.
Mom Under Fire
More than 500 Reddit commentators waded in, such as the person who considered the OP wrong, "Not for having your friends watch your kids, that's totally understandable, but for asking your MIL to come stay for your dogs while telling her you don't trust her with your kids.”
Another considered, “I can't really think of a way a grandmother wouldn't be offended by being told, 'I trust you to watch my dogs, but not your grandbabies' [to be honest].”
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The mom noted that her MIL had never actually been asked to watch the kids; she had simply assumed she would.
“We’ve never discussed with MIL a plan for her to watch our kids… she just assumed that she would be and has been telling others which is how we found out about it.”
According to BabyCenter, planning child care during labor is key.
“Finding someone to provide care for any older children while you give birth is an important step as you prepare to bring home a new baby,” Sarah Bradley advised.
“Try to find a close relative, friend, or familiar sitter… they may need to wake up in the middle of the night if your labor starts spontaneously!”
For the expectant woman in the Reddit post, that reliable choice appears to be close family and friends who live nearby and already have a good rapport with her children.
Stinging Shift
She believes her MIL could still feel involved by watching the dogs—something she’s done in the past without issue—but the shift from expectation to reality may sting.
That sting, said Ted Lowe in All Pro Dad, is often part of how in-law relationships function.
“Families work like this,” Lowe recalled a professor saying.
“Each person has their place, their rhythm. Add someone new… and things shift out of balance until the person finds their place.”
Lowe encouraged families to offer roles that allow in-laws to feel needed: “If they want time with the kids, great… It builds connection.”
Pets or Children
In this case, the role offered is caring for pets, not children.
As the OP put it, “Because helping is always an important thing to her, while we could do something else with the dogs we feel it might lighten the blow a bit… rather than not at all.”
That nuance wasn’t enough for some Redditors.
"Ask your friends to help with the dogs too, or hire a pet sitter,” one suggested bluntly.
As the delivery date nears, the mother’s main goal appears to be keeping peace—both at home and in her family. Whether her plan achieves that, or causes more tension than it's worth, remains to be seen.
Newsweek has reached out to JHsquared for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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