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By Susannah Meadows
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The Navy has had plenty of disasters lately. But for sheer seafaring drama, nothing quite matches the loss of the USS Benjamin Stoddert, a guided-missile destroyer that recently sank in the Pacific Ocean en route to a scrap yard in Brownsville, Texas.
Navy officials made no announcement of the Stoddert's Feb. 3 demise and declined to discuss details. But seamen involved in the incident told NEWSWEEK that in mid-January a tugboat left Pearl Harbor towing two mothballed Navy ships, the Stoddert and the USS Cochrane. When they ran into 20-foot waves and 40-knot winds, the Stoddert started taking on water. Worried that the 3,300-ton destroyer might capsize and become a hazard to any seafaring vessels, two tug crewmen jumped aboard to see if it could be saved. Finding themselves knee-deep in water, the crew opened the hatches and made it back to the tug in time to see the abandoned ship go down "like the Titanic," says one crewman.
Now the scrap yard has filed suit, accusing the tugboat crew of "scuttling" the ship. The tug firm denies the charges. And former sailors who served on the Stoddert say they're frustrated the Navy hasn't been more forthcoming, noting the destroyer had a storied past: it was the last U.S. warship to leave Vietnam. "To me, this is like a friend dying," says former sailor Patrick Surrena. INVESTIGATIONTorricelli's New Line of Defense New Jersey Sen. Robert Torricelli hopes to use a 1999 U.S. Supreme Court decision to fend off an intensifying federal investigation, sources close to the senator say. In that case, the court held that to obtain a conviction for exchanging illegal gratuities, prosecutors had to prove that gifts were tied to a "specific" official act. Last week, facing allegations that he took gifts and cash from former campaign contributor David Chang, Torricelli vehemently denied he'd engaged in "illegal conduct," but did not explicitly deny receiving gifts. Prosecutors may already be prepared to undermine his latest defense. More than a year ago, the Feds placed in a court file a letter claiming they have evidence that Chang "received and/or solicited assistance" from Torricelli. Friends of Torricelli say that Chang sought and may have received favors from up to 10 other politicians. Chang's lawyer declined to discuss the case. A spokesman for Torricelli had no comment. MIDEASTPower Play When Israeli tanks rolled into the Gaza Strip last week, the incursions went beyond retaliation for Palestinian attacks. They were evidence of an aggressive new Israeli strategy of attrition, say aides to Prime Minister Ariel Sharon. The plan is to wear down Palestinian leader Yasir Arafat, striking somewhere new every day, until forces loyal to him are too tired to fight. The ultimate goal may be even more ambitious: to take Arafat out of the picture. "No one has immunity," says a Sharon adviser. Officials--including members of the Palestinian leadership--now see him as the obstacle to peace. But the strategy could backfire. With no apparent successor, Arafat's removal would only push the West Bank and Gaza closer to chaos. ((((((THE BUZZ))))))'I Am the Hostess With the Mostest!' Say It! Brit import "Weakest Link" is as disturbing (and fascinating) as watching a car crash, except host Anne Robinson's a tad more unpleasant. The show--"Survivor" meets "Millionaire"--is still a hit. Here's what people are saying in print, on air and online:
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Dissing Link 'Robinson is the love child of Mary Poppins and Pol Pot.' She's 'Wicked Witch of the West nasty.' (Wa. Post) If you want to see snippy Brits, watch the P.M.'s Questions on C-Span.
Bush League Regis, Bob Barker--now, those guys are game-show hosts. Robinson's hectoring is humorless. 'She is to insults what the XFL is to football.' (USA Today)
Dogfight What's more annoying: the contestants who 'bark at each other' (N.Y. Post), or the fact that NBC has burned the show's catchphrase into our heads? Made a decision? That your final answer, buddy?!
Quiz Queen Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce us. Aren't you? If so, it's working--for now. NBC hasn't had a hit in that time slot since Will Smith was on TV. AIR QUALITYScent of a Hog People in Utah don't want to wake up and smell the hogs. So the prospect of an industrial-hog-farm expansion has prompted rural Iron County to form an odor committee to sniff out complaints. "Hogs can be pretty rank," says commissioner Gene Roundy. The panel will visit offended residents' property and judge just how rank, a kind of nonbinding arbitration meant to head off lawsuits. Residents of nearby counties are already suffering. Shauna Mayer says, "There'll be times at night when it'll bring you right out of a dead sleep." Only to find it wasn't just a nightmare. THE KLANGetting Trashed So much for the white-trash cleanup. After winning a seven-year legal battle that allowed it to participate in Missouri's Adopt-a-Highway program, the Ku Klux Klan has been booted out for not tending to its one-mile stretch of Rosa Parks Highway. Members underwent litter training and got the orange vests, just never used them. Perhaps they didn't go well with white sheets. HOW-TOCome On, Baby, Light My Fire If you aspire to be one of the 11,500 torch-relay runners for the Salt Lake City Winter Games, on your mark: applications are due May 15. Salt Lake Organizing Committee CEO Mitt Romney sheds some light on how to get selected: 1) The theme is "Light the Fire Within," so find someone whose fire you've lit to nominate you. Do not say you lit your own fire. 2) Tell a compelling story. "My aunt Martha overcame this disease and showed great stoicism," or something like that. 3) Triple your chances; apply to all three selection programs: Chevy's, Coke's and the SLOCs. 4) Writing ability is irrelevant; it's passion judges want. 5) "This is not an athletic event." Bearers only have to go .2 miles--less than a lap around a school track. Which means you don't even have to get in shape. TRANSITIONGood and Loud We've influenced two or three generations of younger bands," said punk icon Joey Ramone (a.k.a. Jeffrey Hyman) of his group the Ramones. "We completed what we set out to do." They pioneered the early U.S. punk scene, rising out of Queens, N.Y., in 1974 with a scrappy sound and look--torn jeans, bowl haircuts and leather jackets. They banged out three-chord songs such as "Beat on the Brat" until splitting in 1996. Ramone, 49, died of lymphoma.
Lorraine Ali ADVERTISING So This Is Why I Took French in High School If you think you've had trouble with your TV recently, it's not the remote. It's the ads, several of which are entirely in a foreign language--no subtitles. They work: oddly enough, a complete lack of comprehension is sort of gripping. PERI translates:
LEXUS
Language: French
Product: SC 430 convertible
Say what? Ad asks, "Do you speak desire?" (Yes, if it gets me a Lexus.) "If we waxed on in English we'd sound dopey," says a rep.
CINGULAR WIRELESS
Language: Spanish
Product: Calling plans
Say what? Hispanics are an "important audience to us," says Cingular. ¿No habla espanol? Well, "people get it even if they don't speak Spanish."
DE'LONGHI
Language: Italian
Product: Kitchen appliances
Say what? Hard to stir passions about convection toasters, but, says the ad, "cooking is like love. The best thing about each of them is the constant heat." HOME SPAAir Supply When life sucks, you should, too. Just strap on your non-pressurized, humidified oxygen mask and, as the flight attendants say, tighten the band around your head and breathe normally. The pungent plastic smell (and $200 price tag) just nauseated us, but manufacturers insist that Rejuv O2, a nine-pound, portable "oxygen spa," will cure sluggishness, headaches and hangovers. But PERI posits: what's more pathetic, lying in bed with a hangover or lying in bed gulping on an overgrown thermos of air?
TRIBUTES A New Kind Of Soul Food In Indianapolis, a new cookbook is meant to dish out solace to families of murder victims. Prosecutor Scott Newman is collecting the victims' favorite recipes for "A Survivor's Cookbook: Food for Our Soul." He's received dozens, including Margarita Shrimp and Vegetable Kabobs, beloved by Samuel Bufford, killed in 1999. "It's not very appetizing to think of murder and think of making a meal," says Newman, "but there may be people sitting down in the spirit of their lost loved one." Proceeds will go to family-support services. MOVIESThe (Same) Tale of Two Movies Sure, all romantic comedies are the same--that whole "boy gets girl" shtik hasn't shocked anyone since Adam won Eve. But these two flicks, both based on best-selling chick reads, are practically celluloid clones. Still, with plots so similar, how is it Bridget gets so many more laughs?
The movie: 'BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY'
Narrative device: Tell-all diary
Questionable casting: Pudgy Brit played by waifish Texan Renee Zellweger
Boyfriend turned jerk: Hugh Grant
Jerk turned boyfriend: Colin Firth
'Unexpected' final plot twist: Wait a minute: Bridget's swell 'just as she is'!
Happily everafter: They kiss on a London corner as a Van Morrison tune crescendos
The movie: 'SOMEONE LIKE YOU'
Narrative device: Tell-all column
Questionable casting: Average Every-Yenta played by waifish Baptist Ashley Judd
Boyfriend turned jerk: Greg Kinnear
Jerk turned boyfriend: Hugh Jackman
'Unexpected' final plot twist: Wait a minute: not all men are bulls!
Happily everafter: They kiss on a New York corner as a Van Morrison tune crescendos
CONVENTIONAL WISDOM Special Spring-Fever Edition Scientists say that increased levels of CO2 make plants grow faster -- and make the CW's allergies intolerable this year. Hey Dubya, Congress: Global warming's nothing to sneeze at.
C.W. Greenspan = Dow-whipped Fed head pulls surprise rate cut, buys his reputation some time. Dot-commers = Taxes on options make paper millionaires paper paupers. Want a used Porsche? Confederacy = Ole Miss keeps ole rebel flag. Could be bad for bidness. Day Care = Study says child-care kids misbehave more. Pass the Ritalin. Torricelli = Not clear N.J. sen. will be indicted, but taking those suits, Rolex sure looks Torrisilly. Brooks = Springtime for Mel as "Producers" storms Broadway. Not bad for a 2,000-year-old man.
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