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By Daniella Gray
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A mom from Iowa captured the moment she realized she had broken the cycle of generational trauma with her young son.
Vanessa McNeal-Atadoga (@thevanessamcneal) posted a conversation on Instagram with 4-year-old EJ that filled her heart in ways "words can't describe."
In the reel, EJ tells his mom that one day he'll share memories of her with his future wife. EJ said, "She looked very nice, and I loved her, and she did very nice stuff." He also reassures her that even though they "fighted" sometimes, he will tell his wife how much he loved her.
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McNeal-Atadoga, 31, is a survivor of childhood abuse and trauma that shaped her earliest memories. "Trauma, at its core, is wounding," she told Newsweek.
McNeal-Atadoga, who also has a master's degree in social work with a specialization in trauma informed care, told Newsweek that she lived in survival mode at EJ's age.
"Hearing EJ talk about having a wife someday and what he would tell her about me was truly astounding," she said. "It showed me he feels secure enough in the love he receives now to imagine recreating it in his future. That's powerful evidence that the cycle is breaking."
Since posting the reel, which has been viewed over a million times, McNeal-Atadoga has received an outpouring of support from fellow parents and other survivors of trauma.
"His home life is so peaceful and beautiful that he can't wait to grow up and create his own family and share the love he experienced with his mother with his someday wife," one user commented.
"This young boy clearly has a very healthy relationship with his mom. How special and sacred and beautiful," wrote another.
McNeal-Atadoga told Newsweek that her personal history has also shaped the way she parents today.
"I was always afraid of being a mother because I didn't want to 'mess it up'," she said. But when she learned she was pregnant, she made a commitment to the way she wanted to raise her children.
"I unapologetically show up for and advocate for him," McNeal-Atadoga said. "I honor his feelings – even when it's inconvenient – I repair immediately after I make a mistake(s), I don't just tell him I love him but I show him through the actions I take for him and for myself."
McNeal-Atadoga described hearing her son's words as a healing experience for her inner child: "When he went back to his room I cried happy tears. It felt like a big hug to my inner child. I'm not a perfect mom, but in that moment, I knew I'm a mom he's proud of. That was incredibly healing."
As for EJ, who is soon to be a big brother, he told his mom "I have a million pounds of love to give", and the world is getting a glimpse of it.
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