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By Lucy Notarantonio
Senior Reporter
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When a loved one passes away, it is common for babies to be named after them. In this case, two siblings made a pact about their grandma's name, but it didn't go to plan.
In a lengthy Reddit post, user Patient-Ad8524 explained that he and his sister Layla, 28, agreed whoever had a daughter first could name her after their late grandma Victoria.
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It turns out the 30-year-old brother's wife, whom he refers to as Pam, 29, fell pregnant first. The couple told everyone their baby would be called Victoria during the gender reveal.
Sadly, Pam suffered from a miscarriage and was then forced to give birth to the baby. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, stillbirth affects about 1 in 175 births. Each year, around 21,000 babies are stillborn in the United States.
Speaking about the traumatic event, the poster wrote: "This was incredibly difficult on us and Pam suffered especially badly, both physically and mentally. My family has been there to support us but we have asked Layla to give us some space as seeing her pregnant is a lot for us at this time. While she was upset about this, she understood."
On April 20, the man turned to the internet for advice after an argument that occurred at his sister's gender reveal.
The user explained: "We get to the party and all is great until we get to the gender/name reveal. The way it was going to work was Greg's family was inside the garage holding a banner that would be pink or blue and say the baby's name.
"When the garage opened me and my wife were shocked to see a banner that said 'Welcome baby Victoria Greg's last name'." The poster asked his sister what was going on, "and she said since we weren't using the name it's only fair she should get [it]. My wife started sobbing and I took her to my car but not before telling my sister she is an evil human being who doesn't deserve to be a mother."
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a marriage and family therapist, told Newsweek: "The experience of having a stillborn baby is extremely painful because of having gone through the pregnancy and birth, only to immediately have a funeral.
"I wish that there was a way around the sometimes-chaotic experience of grief, but ultimately there is no way around it," she added. "The only way to deal with grief is to go through it, which means feeling the different emotions as they ebb and flow over time."
DeWitt, who is based in Los Angeles, added that the couple may be going through post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She said it is important to seek professional "help to navigate the complex emotions and experiences" they have individually and together.
DeWitt added that couples should give themselves permission to have self-care; establish boundaries concerning who and what they let in; and be compassionate towards themselves and each other.
So far, 1,700 users have commented on the post since it was shared on April 20.
The top comment has 15,600 upvotes, with an excerpt reading: "what your sister did was definitely horrible, but has she actually experienced losing a child? She probably doesn't understand the feeling. I don't think you should have gone, to begin with honestly."
Another comment read: "Also, please point out that you and your sister wanted the name Victoria to HONOR your grandmother. How exactly is it honoring your grandmother to provide you and your wife with fresh pain at every baby milestone? "Victoria's first birthday, you have to attend!"......log onto Facebook "OH look, Victoria's first lost tooth!"....."Victoria got engaged, so excited to see her walk down the aisle!"
The comment continued: "Given the late stage of your loss, these events would likely continue to cause pain for DECADES to come, even if you and your wife later made peace with the idea. Your grandmother would likely be rolling in her grave to hear the pain that her namesake would be causing. Your sister's actions tarnish the intent behind the name....especially because she did not bother to broach the topic with you in private so you and your wife had an option on whether to attend."
Newsweek reached out to u/Patient-Ad8524 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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