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By Anders Anglesey
U.S. News Reporter
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The internet has praised a man who refused to ask his wife to stop leaving notes with his work lunch after a grieving coworker said they made him feel "uncomfortable."
In a post shared in the popular AmITheA**hole forum, Reddit user u/Jimmythrow5677 explained that his 27-year-old wife had put supportive notes in his lunch as he had "suffered from some issues" regarding his job.
The Reddit user, 31, later explained in his post, which can be read here, that a new employee who recently joined the company had initially enjoyed sitting with him during lunch, but started to feel uncomfortable when he noticed the notes.
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He explained: "A coworker of mine 'Jimmy' is the newest employee in our company. He lost his wife a few months ago and he is sort of a private dude in general.
"However, he started sitting with us during the lunch break after the guys insisted. I sit and eat my food after I look at the note my wife left then rinse and repeat. Until a few days ago, one of the co-workers pulled me aside and we began talking then the note thing was brought up.
"He told me that Jimmy had been enjoying sitting with us during [our] lunch break but couldn't help but feel uncomfortable with the notes I keep pulling out of my package every day."
The Reddit user told his coworker he was being "ridiculous" and that he would not tell his wife to stop him from sending him notes.
He added: "I told him off and said that it's not my fault Jimmy is struggling with grief and it's not like I even know him that well to be 'accommodating him' to this extent. He said that I was being cruel and selfish and got the others to witness the argument and shame me for my stance but I refused to do it and went back to work on my project."
Unsurprisingly, the post attracted more than 11,000 upvotes and some 1,250 comments, many of which supported the man. Although, there were some who said he could have been more empathetic - despite supporting his stance.
One Reddit user said: "NTA (not the a**hole) at all. Your marriage and the way your wife expresses her love is your business. It's unfortunate about jimmy but that's a massive boundary he crossed. Are you all never allowed to mention your wives again? How long is that supposed to last? I feel sorry for him, but it's out of order to expect your wife to stop the notes."
Another added: "OP's (original poster's) coworker needs to learn how to work through and move past triggering situations. He probably needs therapy and a support group.
"At first, he might not be able to sit with OP at lunch, but eventually he may be able to see the notes and not feel the overwhelming waves of grief."
A third posted: "You're NTA but it sounds like you could have shown some sensitivity in your response. Maybe there is a small adjustment that can be made to make things a little easier for this guy.
"If you can still read sweet notes from your wife while having someone in bereavement enjoy some social lunchtime with colleagues and not think about his late wife for those 20 minutes of the day, why not?
"Maybe she can hide them somewhere.Iike jacket pocket, wallet, in your car. I don't know. Also, talk to Jimmy yourself and connect with him and see what's going on."
Newsweek has contacted u/Jimmythrow5677 for comment.
Helping With Grief
The American Psychological Association says there are several things that people who are struggling with grief can do to give themselves a renewed sense of meaning in life, including:
- Talking about the death of your loved one with friends or colleagues
- Accept your feelings, even if you experience a wide range of emotions, and consider talking to a licensed psychologist if they become overwhelming
- Take care of yourself and your family by eating healthily as well as getting a lot of sleep
- Reach out to others who are dealing with loss as it can make a big difference to them to be heard
- Remember and celebrate the lives of your loved ones
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