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By Melissa Fleur Afshar
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A man has received support online after he shared on Reddit that his family reacted to his pending second marriage by calling his fiancée his "second wife."
User aite211982 shared the post to the social-media platform on June 11. He wrote that he had "lashed out" at his relatives after they made the comment, and he was backed by over 1,000 Reddit users.
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"Years ago, I was married to a close friend. We were roommates, adopted a dog together, and lived together ever since college until our late twenties. However, we were never actually romantically involved," the man wrote.
"She was not interested in marriage and she was also questioning her sexuality at the time, but her family was ultra-traditional and kept pushing for her to settle down. We were basically living like a married couple, [so we said] let's get married for convenience.
"We did the paperwork for it, but we never had a wedding. We were also never romantically involved. When I started getting back into the dating scene, we split up and legally divorced. I am now 32-years-old with a lovely fiancé[e]," he added.
The Reddit user wrote that, after announcing his engagement to his family, they have been making "weird comments."
The man added that some of the family's recent remarks included: "wife #2 at 32 huh? That's a lot of wives for your age! Let's hope this 2nd one lasts!"
"It makes us both uncomfortable," the man wrote in his post.
"I keep on saying that my [first wife] wasn't really my wife in the traditional sense, but my family brushes me off by saying that they're just joking, or that she's technically my second wife anyway so it's not like they're wrong," he added.
Riled up by the consistent comments, and his family's unwillingness to stop, the Reddit user wrote that he "blew up" at his relatives over a recent breakfast. He called them out for being disrespectful and belittling towards his budding romance.
His mom and sister didn't take kindly to his words. The pair said that he shouldn't have married his first wife. In response, the man threatened to bar his mother and sister from the wedding. The poster wrote that things have become very tense between them all as a result.
Expert Opinion: The Man Should Stand Up for Himself
Psychotherapist Dr. Avigail Lev is the director of the Bay Area CBT Center, a psychological clinic that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. She told Newsweek that it seems as though the Reddit user has yet to assert themselves within the family.
"There is no need for them to constantly explain, justify, or defend their choices. Their relationships are based on their own behaviors and decisions," Lev said.
"If they have already explained to their family that they married their friend for practical purposes rather than romantic reasons, it is important for their family to respect their new relationship and refrain from making derogatory comments," Lev added.
"It's also important for this person to address the issue of uncomfortable jokes. They should have a direct conversation, asking their family to stop making such jokes as they are not funny and cause distress," she said.
Lev added that, by clearly expressing their feelings and setting boundaries, the individual can work to create a healthier and more respectful family dynamic.
"Additionally, they should establish self-care consequences if their boundaries continue to be violated, prioritizing their well-being," Lev said.
What Do the Comments Say?
The Reddit post has been upvoted by 95 percent of the users who engaged with it. "If their comments make you and your wife uncomfortable and you have asked them multiple times to stop, then they are the bigger a******* for continuing," one Reddit user wrote.
"If they think it's harmless joking, then why would they defend it? If I thought I was making a light joke, but the person told me I hurt their feelings, I would apologize and stop. It seems like family is doubling down. So, you have no other choice then to set your boundaries," another added.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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