Millennium In A Nutshell Edition

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By Newsweek Editors

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The CW wouldn't presume to play the arbitrary game of choosing the most important figures of the last 1,000 years. But here are some folks who will be remembered long after the computers crash and our headaches go away. Apologies to all who were left off the list - at least you can see them on the History Channel. One last question: will Dick Clark be around for Y3K?

+ Elizabeth I: One tough lady. She would have kicked Saddam's tail, as she did the Spanish Armada. + Chaplin: "The Little Tramp" was first movie star - even if all four wives were teenagers. - Mao: Led a long march that kept China down for decades. Cool jackets, though. = Darwin: "Origin of Species" transformed science and society, though GOP still skeptical. + Mandela: Survived jail, apartheid and Winnie. Oh, and transformed a nation. = Wright Bros.: Upside: Invented the airplane. Downside: Forgot to give us legroom. + Newton: "What goes up must come down." But That was before tech stocks. + Dylan: Why is he here? The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. = Geronimo: Apache warrior tried to save Human Beings from genocidal invaders (us). - Genghis K.: Gave barbarians a bad name. Would have done well on Wall Street. = Mozart: Wrote some catchy tunes, but more obnoxious than Richard Simmons. + Oprah: If an alien being landed on Earth and said, "Take me to your leader," she'd be the one. + Einstein: Everything is relative, but this guy was a real genius. Super hair, too. + Gutenberg: Without his printing press, no progress possible. He's our type. + Washington: The Man Who Would Not Be King set a precedent for giving up power. - Napoleon: Short, French and ultimately a loser. And what was he doing with that hand? + Edison: Invented light bulb, phonograph, forerunner of movie camera. But what's he done for us lately? + Michelangelo: Best ceiling painter ever. But Giuliani would have banned his "David." + Armstrong: The real Man on the Moon gets extra credit for not cashing in. = Montezuma: Aztec emperor duped by Cortes. He got his revenge, though too late to enjoy it. = Madonna: Material Girl stretched her 15 minutes into a career with blond ambition. Hi, Mom! + Basho: The Haiku master / like Mount Fuji in winter / CW digs him. + Jordan: Athlete of the millennium, even though he couldn't hit the curve ball. + Ruth: Proved hot dogs, beer and lovin' as good as steroids. Babelicious! = Freud: The original couch potato's slip is showing. Whatever that means. - King Arthur: Hosted Boogie Knights of the Round Table. Thanks a lot, Lancelot. + Galileo: His telescope got him in hot water. But he kept his focus. - Hitler: A half-century later, the question remains: How did it happen? + Leonardo: A real Renaissance man. Too bad he lived before patents and IPOs. + Sanger: Pioneered birth-control movement in the 1920s, ending the rhythm and blues era. + Ali: The Greatest floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee. But boxing's not sweet, or a science. = Catherine the Great: Strong Russian queen, but couldn't resist the mane attraction. - Stalin: Strong Soviet dictator, but couldn't resist murdering millions. = Columbus: Got a little lost on the way to India, but discovered the Caribbean vacation. + Gandhi: Passive resistance gave peace a chance everywhere. Bonus: Invented dress-down Friday. + Austen: Arguably the best novelist ever. Plus, gave Gwyneth Paltrow her breakthrough role. + Churchill: Helped save the world with a whisky in his hand. The real man of the century. + Joan of Arc: Boy, was she hot! Downside: To this day, the inspiration for tedious movies. = Gen. Tso: After all the battles, 19th-century Chinese general known in West only for his chicken. + Shakespeare: The best writer ever gets the last word on the millennium. "All's well that ends well."

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