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By Rachael O'Connor
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A man who took drastic action against his sister when she ruined his proposal has been backed by experts and online commenters alike.
The unnamed man, 29, is planning a wedding with his fiancee, 28, after she accepted his proposal, despite it being "ruined" by his sister, whom he said has a "long history of attention-seeking behavior."
He took to Reddit's AmITheA****** sub on his account, u/drimndz, to ask if he was in the wrong for not inviting his 32-year-old sister to the wedding. His parents declared him to be heartless and his sister accused him of tearing the family apart.
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However, one marriage and family therapist told Newsweek that the couple are not in the wrong, rather "his family is. I'd suggest he continue setting firm boundaries if he wants them in his life."
aita for not inviting my sister to my wedding
r/AmItheAsshole
His sister had pleaded to be involved in his proposal by taking candid photos, but instead began "making snarky comments" and acting strangely, putting a damper on the whole mood.
"Then, out of nowhere, my sister grabbed the ring box from my pocket and yelled, 'Surprise! Look what he's going to do!' My girlfriend was shocked, and I was furious," the man wrote on the post.
While his girlfriend said yes, the moment was tainted and the man and his fiancee both felt the proposal was ruined, but his sister said he was overreacting by being upset.
Marriage and family therapist Becky Whetstone told Newsweek that the sister is clearly "obnoxious and a boundary offender."
"People who practice healthy family boundaries restrain themselves, and we do this in order to get along and have relationships," Whetstone said.
Now the couple have decided not to invite the sister at all, as they want their wedding "to be about us, without any unnecessary drama." But the family is hugely divided: his parents are furious, and his sister is playing the victim, the man said.
Whetstone blamed the parents for being enablers of their daughter, calling the man's entire family "immature and unsupportive".
"He and his fiancee have free will to manage their lives as they choose. Though most of us would like to keep our families in our lives throughout the lifespan and share important life events together, that's a privilege to include them, and not an obligation," Whetstone said.
"The couple have every right to invite or not invite whomever they choose. If his family was healthy, they'd deal with their hurt and disappointment about the sister being left out on their own, instead of spewing toxins on the couple."
The man also wrote later in the post that it's not the first time his sister has pulled something like this.
He added that she has faked fainting spells at parties, and previously announced her pregnancy at a party celebrating his promotion, only to reveal later she was joking.
It led to Whetstone labeling the sister "emotionally a 9-year-old bully, who, when called out, says 'Who me?'"
"The fact that she won't take responsibility, apologize, and beg for forgiveness tells us she has every potential of doing it again," she said.
Sibling relationships are extremely important and can affect a person's development into adulthood. Toxic sibling relationships can occur where there is a regular pattern of negative behavior from one sibling.
Chloe Carmichael, clinical psychologist and author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety, previously told Newsweek that there are three main reasons for toxicity in sibling relationships: unhealthy competitiveness; taking advantage of a family's kindness; or trying to control the family narrative and excluding another sibling.
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And of the more-than 6,000 people who upvoted the post, and hundreds who commented, many appeared in agreement with the expert. One wrote: "What she did is so ludicrous that my first reaction was that perhaps this post isn't real, no one could be that obtuse.
"I don't blame you one bit for not wanting her at your wedding; you already made the mistake of allowing her to come along to the proposal."
"Had to check the age again...she's 32??? I was thinking maybe a teenager," another wrote, adding, "that girl has issues and OPs [original poster's] parents obviously enable her."
Others wrote that the man was in the right to not invite her to the wedding, but judging by her history, he was asking for trouble allowing her to come for the proposal.
Or as one user wrote: "You don't bring a monkey to a picnic and then be upset at the monkey when it starts throwing poop at everyone."
Newsweek contacted u/drimndz on Reddit for comment. We could not independently verify the details of this case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, send an email to life@newsweek.com with your first name and general location. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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