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By Leonie Helm
Life Reporter
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A frustrated father has posted on Reddit about cutting off his parents for refusing to call his children by their given names.
In the post, user HumanSquare7970 explained that, after a long struggle with IVF, he and his wife "welcomed twins in November." He added that the couple took the naming process seriously, "because we knew they would be the only children we would name," choosing the names Ezra and Esme.
The father described that they intentionally went for simplistic names, as "growing up I had a long last name (10 letters) and my parents gave me very formal and lengthy first and middle names (Frederick Lawrence) and I always found my name very stuffy and old fashioned."
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Many parents try to choose unusual and unique names for their children. A study by parenting website Channel Mum found that 1 in 5 parents began to intensively dislike their child's name once it spikes in popularity, usually after a celebrity uses it.
"About a week after they were born my parents asked what kind of names they had and how could we give them such juvenile and incomplete names," wrote the father. He added that the grandparents then started calling the twins Winifred and Douglas.
Despite the poster's protestations, the grandparents continued with the new names. "So we decided not to be around, because on top of that they were telling my siblings that the names they had chosen were better for my children," the poster wrote.
The grandparents have reportedly asked to see their grandchildren on multiple occasions and been denied. "They asked why and I told them they do not get to see our children if all they can do is insult their names...I told them what they had done wasn't giving a nickname, it was renaming my children in their own heads and my wife and I do not want them renaming them," the poster concluded.
Ruth E. Freeman, founder and president at Peace at Home Parenting Solutions, told Newsweek about the family dynamic.
"Grandparents who try to control their adult children's choices or criticize their choices are destined to harm their relationship with their grandchildren," said Freeman. "This story illustrates exactly that problem, and this dad is doing a good job of setting boundaries with his intrusive and disrespectful parents.
"If grandparents have concerns about their grandchildren's well-being, it is fine to speak directly with their adult children and be respectful if the adult children want to hear the concerns. It might go something like, 'We have a worry about the kids' names. Would you be willing to listen?'" added Freeman.
"If their adult child consents, they can share their concern. However, once their adult child responds, that needs to be the end of it. If grandparents want relationships with their grandchildren, they need to respect their adult children and follow their lead. Otherwise we end up with broken relationships just as this story perfectly illustrates," Freeman said.
"This is a loss for the grandkids and for their adult child, and mostly for the grandparents themselves. We often talk about parenting education for parents, but many grandparents need a bit of education as well," she added.
Users on Reddit voted in support of the father, with one writing: "What your parents are doing is bizarre. You can't just make up completely different names for people because you don't like them. It's disrespectful to you and confusing for the kids. I wouldn't want to be around them either."
Another queried the original choice of names: "I just question the choice of both names being so alike for the twins. [The poster], his wife, and their teachers will be mixing them up all the time. I mean it's their call, but my son and my dog have names that both sound the same, and I am constantly calling them the wrong name. When our daughter was born, we went with a completely different sound for the name."
Newsweek has reached out to HumanSquare7970 via Reddit for comment.
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