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By Maria Morava
Relationships Reporter
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A woman on Reddit is being widely supported after she stopped her boyfriend from proposing—at their best friends' wedding.
In a viral post, the 26-year-old woman said that, while she and her boyfriend of nearly three years had talked about marriage and even looked at rings together, she had no idea he would try to propose at someone else's wedding. She shut him down, leading to his claims that she "embarrassed" him. Since the post was published, it has received more than 21,000 upvotes.
Newsweek spoke to licensed counselor Kerry McCarthy about whether or not the boyfriend acted appropriately in proposing, and how the couple can recover from the miscommunication.
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In the post, the woman wrote that the couple had joked about a proposal with their mutual friends—who were the bride and groom—but both she and the bride had clearly shot the idea down "not thinking he was serious," she wrote. "He was."
During the reception, while guests were getting their food, her boyfriend went to the DJ and had him play one of the couple's trademark songs. As the poster smiled, thinking it was just a sweet moment, he stood up, clanged a fork on a glass, and was apparently about to propose.
"I stand up and whisper the words 'Not. Right. Now,'" she wrote. He sat back down, said he was "just joking," and then disappeared for over an hour. When he came back, he ignored her for the rest of the night. Days later, he sent a long message expressing how hurt and embarrassed he felt.
The woman said that she wanted to marry him—but that it was their best friend's wedding and they "deserve their moment." She was left wondering if she acted wrongly in halting the proposal.
"He's very adamant that I ruined the proposal," the woman wrote. "Am I missing something? Should I admit I was wrong?"
Reddit users rallied to her side.
"It was bad taste for him to propose at the wedding," one person posted. "It would have been unfair to the bride and groom, not to mention tacky. He needs to get over it and move on."
Another commented: "He needs to mature before even being considered as marriage material."
An Expert Opinion
McCarthy, group practice co-owner at Wandering Pine Wellness, told Newsweek that the situation highlights broader issues: emotional maturity and general respect for shared spaces.
"Proposal etiquette isn't one-size-fits-all," McCarthy said. "It hinges on the relationship with the couple getting married, the setting and most importantly, whether both parties in the couple are on board. In this case, it doesn't appear that the bride was, which makes it more about the proposer's moment than the couple's celebration."
McCarthy added that, even if the boyfriend was acting from love or spontaneity, "a loving gesture can still miss the mark if it overlooks the impact on others."
She said that the man's hurt feelings aren't the problem, but how he handled them.
"His reaction, framing her boundary-setting as public humiliation, suggests he may be caught in a narrative of rejection rather than being able to pause and see the broader context," McCarthy said.
As for whether this was a one-off or a red flag, McCarthy said the key is whether this behavior is a pattern. While one misstep isn't necessarily a red flag, the poster should stay aware of similar behavior.
"If a partner consistently prioritizes grand gestures or public perception over shared values and boundaries, that's worth exploring," McCarthy concluded.
Newsweek reached out to u/Feeling_Camp_8847 for comment via Reddit.
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