...
By Darlin Tillery
Life & Trends Reporter
0
Share
Newsweek is a Trust Project member
See more of our trusted coverage when you search.Prefer Newsweek on Googleto see more of our trusted coverage when you search.
A woman preparing to marry her longtime partner has shared how her relationship with his once "incredible" parents has deteriorated during the wedding planning process, provoking a tough decision after the ceremony.
The account, shared in a since-deleted Reddit post under the username ChickenFantastic4256 this week, opens up about a series of decisions made without her consent, including a last-minute change of venue for the rehearsal dinner.
At first supportive, her fiancé's parents apparently turned critical after the couple got engaged. The church, the venue and even moving in together sparked arguments.
Read More
Family Member Threatening to ‘Ruin’ Vacation Over Sleeping Arrangements Backed5 min read
Plane Passenger Forced To Abandon Food Order To Make Flight Shocked To See What Gate Agent Has5 min read
Plane Passenger Stunned By What Woman Does With Overhead Bin Space On Full Flight4 min read
"His dad had some incredibly rude things to say," about the couple's chosen church, which had strict rules, but was personally important to the bride.
...
When they didn't switch, he lectured his son for more than an hour. Venue plans fell apart when the groom's father objected to the idea of hors d'oeuvres instead of a sit-down dinner and "screamed at the two of us."
After agreeing to split events between two venues and costs with both families, the groom's parents independently booked a different hotel for the rehearsal dinner without informing the couple.
'Fired as a mother'
Other decisions also sparked tension, according to the original poster (OP).
The groom's mother hired a wedding planner and put her own contact information as the couple's. She also offered financial help with rent, which was declined, leading to accusations that the bride and groom wanted nothing to do with them.
The future mother-in-law apparently said she had been "fired as a mother."
A guest list disagreement escalated to yelling and a phone hang-up after the couple refused to invite 30 of the groom's cousins, whom he hadn't seen in over a decade.
When parents overstep boundaries during wedding planning, their actions can unintentionally send harmful messages to the engaged couple, according to Melanie McCabe, a psychologist based in North Carolina.
"These messages may include a lack of respect for the couple's wishes, a lack of trust in their decision-making abilities and an assumption that the parents' preferences take priority," McCabe told Newsweek in reply to an invitation to comment.
"In some cases, it may even suggest a willingness to exert pressure to get their way."
When faced with controlling or overly involved parents, it's important for the engaged couple to present a united front, she continued.
"They can begin by discussing their shared values, boundaries and priorities, then decide on a shared approach moving forward."
Some possible strategies include:
- Setting boundaries: For example, choosing not to include parents in specific decisions such as floral arrangements, or cake tastings.
- Communicating expectations: If it feels safe and potentially productive, couples may choose to share their feelings and expectations directly with the parents.
- Limiting details: Choosing not to share every aspect of the wedding plans with parents can help reduce external pressure.
- Being selective with help: Declining assistance that comes with the expectation that the couple will give up their preferences.
- Reconsidering financial support: If financial help is tied to control or conditions, the couple may opt to finance the wedding on their own terms.
A similar experience as the OP's was documented in a Newsweek article where a woman walked out of a dinner after her future in-laws called her irresponsible for buying expensive ingredients.
"I told them to mind their own business and left," the woman wrote.
Though her fiancé eventually admitted his parents were wrong, he said he wouldn't challenge them to maintain peace.
"I was really shocked by this as to me your new family takes priority over your old family," she added.
'Emotional explosion'
Reddit users responding to the post while it was available were blunt. "I think I'd just elope at this point," one wrote.
Another urged, "Grow spines and shut all of this down. It is your wedding, not theirs."
A contributor mused: "You can only have a normal relationship with normal people."
The bride concluded her post by saying that her fiancé has tried to talk to his parents, but every conversation results in an "emotional explosion" from his parents.
"My fiancé and I have agreed we're going minimal to no contact for at least six months after the wedding, then hoping to reset the relationship, but I have no idea how to have a normal relationship with these people after this," the OP lamented.
Newsweek has contacted ChickenFantastic4256 for comment via Reddit.
Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work, and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.
To read how Newsweek uses AI as a newsroom tool, click here.
View 0 Comments
Submit Correction
View Editorial & AI Guidelines